Day 108 - I would walk drive 500 miles.

I drove 500 miles for a date.

One date with a woman I’d never met. Over territory I just covered.

You can look at this in a number of ways. I think in almost any one of them, it’s a bit unusual. But then, so it this entire journey I’m on. So, in that sense, we can just say it’s “par for the course” and move on. :)

Was this driving of these “*500 miles” the act of a desperate man? Nope. (And while you may doubt if I’d tell you if I was actually desperate or not…come on,  I spill my guts about everything else.) ;)

This was just a really special lady. :) Trust me.

Shortly after I arrived in Baltimore last week, having just made the journey from Lexington, Kentucky, through Cincinnati and all the way to Baltimore, I confused everyone by turning right around driving back to “The Queen of the West” (that’s a nickname for Cincinnati. No, I didn’t know that, I looked it up in Wikipedia! Why? Because I didn’t want to use the word “Cincinnati” again in the same sentence…and there are no other words for Cincinnati. Trust me, this all makes sense.)

All 500 miles. (I drove it, in case my writing in the parenthesis above totally just threw you off of what the heck I was talking about.)

I wouldn’t have done this for just anyone. (Drive it, is what I’m talking about… again, in case my text in parenthesis above distracted you from the topic at hand)

But this was someone who, despite my resistance at the beginning (I mean, I just drove through Cincinnati — and it scared me!), got my attention through a series of very favorable personality traits (which is just a really nerdy way of saying I thought she was waaay cool, ok?)… her wit, her charm, her intelligence, her love of [blank] (I’ll spare her privacy on this one — but just imagine it’s something we have in common, k?) And yes, she was attractive, too.

So we emailed. We texted. And we spent a fair amount of time talking on the phone over the course of a few days… and I didn’t say a word to anyone online about it (that, in itself, was a bit strange to me).

Which left me wondering what to write about (which is why I haven’t posted in a couple days.)

But really, covering my “dating life” on the road in anything other than generalities seems weird to me. Not to mention, it’d be weird for the other person, too.

So I just did my thing and kept it to myself.

And over the course of that few days as my lady friend and I got to know each other, I eventually asked myself…what am I doing any of this for if not to be open to the possibilities of where this journey will take me?

And what’s 500 miles, really?

Well, I can tell you exactly what it is, if you’d like to know, but it’s hardly a “price” to pay for a real “spark”.

But would that “spark” be enough to ignite things beyond that? I didn’t know. She didn’t know. There would be no guarantees (there never are). I’d just have to take the chance and “risk it”.

Sounds like something I’d do and an experience I’d be willing to go through. So I did.

And the answer to that question? Would that spark be “enough”?

Well, nothing would please me more at this moment to tell you, “Yes!”

But sadly, no. In short (by intention), there was no “fairytale ending” to this… Just a nice date with good company, a really neat experience, and something with many layers for me to reflect back upon.

And despite my use of the word “sadly” above, it’s not really “sad”…it’s just the way it is.

Besides, when it really “works”, you can tell. Can’t you? I mean, you’re like, “Wow, did it just get hot in here, or is it just me?” (Or is that just my cheesy line?) ;)

Kidding aside, what this experience did do for me was show me what I would be willing to do for the chance to make one of my dreams a reality (but under the right circumstances, of course — but I couldn’t tell you what those are.)

So yes, I drove 500 miles for a date with a very special lady.

And it didn’t work out…and yes, I’d do it again.

I’d even walk it if I had to.

[Notes & Follow-up: When I say *500 miles, I mean it. Exactly 500. Go to maps.google.com and punch in directions from Baltimore to Cincinnati. 500 miles. Bam. That’s right, we don’t mess around here. And it’s a good thing, too… because I doubt there are any songs for “482 miles” ;)

Questions:

1) Isn’t there a lot of pressure on the person you would be willing to make that drive to meet? I imagine, yes.

But while I am ultimately looking for that long-time “match”, it isn’t fair to put that kind of pressure on a budding relationship. So I try hard not to. So what I’m really looking for is “sparks”…people I mutually “click” with in a above-average way. And from there, I just see where things go, as naturally as possible.

2) Does dating on the road or traveling to meet someone add another element to the whole dating thing? Definitely.

3) Would you stop traveling if you met someone and it appeared like you had a chance at something significant? Absolutely.

Also, with regard to the song…I just liked it, k? And it’s called “500 miles” or something like that. They certainly say it a lot. And no, I don’t actually have a thing for getting drunk next to girls. Or falling down at people’s doors. But if you do, that’s cool, I won’t judge. ;) ]

As I neared “Day 100” of my travels, and every day since, I’ve been reflecting on my trip. And yesterday’s interview with the radio station made me wonder about what I’ve learned and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

So I decided to compile a list.

It’s not a complete list, it’s simply some of the things that immediately come to mind when I think about what I’ve learned or had re-affirmed over the past ~100 days.

I haven’t gone back to look at anything I’ve written and I’m not drawing on anything but my memory at the moment. These are just all things that float to the surface.

Each thing I’ve learned comes with a personal story or experience attached to it (that’s why these things come to mind). 

At some point in the future, I will fill in some details or provide stories for each (in future blog entries).

As always, these are simply things I’ve personally learned & experienced. What may be true for me may not be true for you.

What this trip has taught me as of day #102…

Whatever you write about, you give weight to.

Actions & attitudes create a ripple effect.

Being positive makes a huge difference.

Simply smiling can be the difference between “Yes” and “No”.

Sometimes the people you feel least like smiling at could use it the most.

Some people are completely unaware of themselves, their environment, and others.

Some people make noise because it’s the only way they know how to get attention.

Whatever you focus on, you intensify.

How “happy” you are is largely a matter of where you direct your attention.

What you choose to think about can make you feel better or worse.

Things that you find difficult at first tend to become easier with repetition. Some things can become so easy that you wonder how you ever thought they were difficult.

How “bad” or how “difficult” a situation is, is often in direct proportion to how bad & difficult you think it is.

How difficult a decision is, is often in direct proportion to how difficult you expect it to be.

Sometimes we avoid obvious solutions on purpose.

Sometimes we do what we’ve seen others do, even though it makes no sense.

Every single thing & event in life is affected by how you choose to think about it.

“You can’t choose your successes.” - Ethan Nicolle

You can’t please everyone.

An awful lot of people spend an awful lot of time sitting & watching plastic boxes emit light, when they could actually be doing, creating, or getting actively involved with something or someone else.

Perception is reality. Even when it’s not.

It’s a really small world.

It’s a really big world.

Some people are living in a completely different world from our own.

When people label you, it is entirely up to you whether you choose to believe it or not. Someone labeling you as something does not make it true.

Not all who wander are lost.

You don’t always get what you want. But you often get what you need.

“Life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about how you handle what happens.” - Nicholas Evans

Many people think and/or are comfortable with things, processes, beliefs, or routines because that’s what they were told or taught. Some have never considered other alternatives.

Appearances can be deceiving.

Freeing one’s self from expectations or how you think things should be is liberating.

Most of the stuff we own is just stuff.

Not everyone who is friendly is your friend.

Problems cannot be solved with the same thinking that created them (I’m either quoting or paraphrasing Einstein here).

You can be good at things and still fail miserably at them.

Sometimes the hype is real. Sometimes it’s not.

You can’t “make” someone “get it”. And some people simply refuse.

Confidence is a key in many situations.

Sometimes it is just as effective to look like you belong or know what you’re doing as it is to actually know what you’re doing.

Always trying to be a good person doesn’t mean you won’t upset people.

There are different ways to tell every story.

There is a fine line between drama and comedy.

There is a fine line between genius and stupidity.

In nearly every action adventure movie, the protagonist is not choosing to be in most of the situations that excite the audience. Those situations are often extremely uncomfortable for the characters in them.

Sometimes the best way to help someone is not to help.

Pursuing your passions is not the same thing as being happy.

Contrast in life is important. You cannot have highs without lows.

You acquire good judgement from bad judgement.

Living outside of your comfort zone really does help you grow.

You can make a difference in someone’s life and be completely unaware of it.

Happy Joe’s Taco Pizza is the best pizza I’ve ever had for reasons unknown.

If you want assistance in changing your mood, listen to appropriate music.

When you think about it, people do a lot of things that don’t make much sense at all simply because everyone else does the same thing.

Everything and everyone in your life serves a purpose. The good & the bad.

Some people who make a big difference come out of nowhere & disappear as quickly.

Jiffy-Lube is pretty much shady all over the country.

People attribute cost with quality, even when it makes no sense.

Yellowstone is bigger than you think.

People who think they “deserve” something, might not deserve it for exactly that reason.

Cows would get a lot more respect if they looked at you in the same way as wild bison do.

The speed limit in states all over the country seems completely arbitrary.

How people drive and what people consider acceptable, accommodating, or aggressive varies considerably across the USA.

Sometimes you’re just a statistic.

Guardrails across the country are completely arbitrary.

Being “lost” is just a matter of how specific you want to be.

Toyota made really good 4Runners in 2002.

Everything is relative.

Sometimes you’re a part of someone else’s story.

What is considered “cool” & totally normal in some parts of the country is completely “uncool” & strange in other parts.

It doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day.

It’s kind of cool & funny to be called, “Sugar”. ;)

Some things we consider “hard” or “unbearable” these days were considered easy or simply a way of life 100 years ago. We take a lot for granted.

Some things we consider “odd” or “backwards” today were pretty mainstream as little as 40 years ago. 

Always be prepared to throw your plans out the window.

When you don’t want to do something is sometimes the best time to do it.

Not everyone who is “invisible” to you isn’t watching.

Anything is possible.

Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional (that’s a quote from somewhere).

America grows an awful lot of corn. And that’s why corn is in most things you eat (high fructose corn syrup is…corn!).

Things that annoy you are about as annoying as you choose to let them be.

A lot can be learned spending an awful lot of time by and with yourself.

A lot can be learned by watching other people.

Zoos are a great place to watch humans.

Some people take up a disproportionate amount of space.

Some people require a disproportionate amount of attention.

There’s often more to a story than you’re told.

You learn more from your mistakes than your successes.