Letters & Comments

“You — as much as anyone — were meant for greatness — and you, yes you, can do some things better than most people (or possibly anyone) on the planet if you set your mind to it. Find those things. Or at least start more of the things that bring you joy — and do those things. Those things will help lead you to where you want to go.

But realize, that not everything that everyone is most suited to do in their lives comes a pre-packaged “box” or with a specific job title. You may have to make your own. But the world needs more trail blazers and you can do it if you think you can.

If what you truly want to do is get somewhere, be somebody, do something, then keep pushing forward one step at a time — and don’t stop.” 

“‘Good experiences’, ‘bad experiences’ — it’s all a matter of perspective. But regardless of how you label an experience, it is always going to be “life experience” and something that can be learned from. And when you look at everything as a learning experience, it’s a lot easier to appreciate everything that happens in life — regardless of how you decide to label it.” 

“I don’t live with any real expectations of the future. I mean, I have hopes and goals — and those help provide direction — but again, I think the most important thing is really today — now – this moment.

It’s nice (and somewhat necessary) to plan for the future — and it’s important to have goals because they provide direction and help one move forward, grow, and evolve. But when you have a very, very specific idea of what you expect your future to be like and exactly how it’s going to happen, you are bound to be disappointed. As much as we plan, we just don’t have that much control — it is impossible for us to plan for or anticipate everything. Especially because everything is always changing in ways that are beyond our level of awareness.

Even the best laid plans are bound to be derailed — especially the more detailed they are or the further into the future they project. I think it’s almost vital to just be happy now and expect the unexpected (as much as one can) and just live life.

“Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans” comes to mind.

By all means, have well-defined goals and a good idea of where you want to go, but leave open the possibility that what you want to happen may ultimately happen in a way that is completely unplanned and unexpected.” 

“Life is hard enough without blaming yourself for things beyond your control. And even when things are within our control, everyone makes mistakes — it’s part of being human. It happens — there’s no stopping it. Live and learn is the best we can do. Can’t change the past, can only affect the future and resolve to do better next time.” 

“If you can be a giver, a caretaker, a lover, and show empathy & vulnerability, and NOT let what others say about you dictate how you feel about yourself, that is true strength. Knowing who you are and not letting others tell you who you are requires courage.” 

“Just do, do, do and keep doing — and by all means, make mistakes! Make a huge number of mistakes. We learn much more through our mistakes than our successes. Just make them, learn from them, and push forward and don’t stop.

You are not your mistakes. They do not define who you are. You are who you ARE and who you choose to be. It takes courage to jump into the unknown and willfully make mistakes — this is not weakness, this is strength. It takes courage to want to be a better person.” 

“What’s interesting for me — particularly on this journey — is that as I removed myself from my primary “influences” in life (or they removed themselves from me) friends & family & work — I found out who I truly am when I’m not under the influence of others. Suddenly I had a much greater awareness of these circles of influence and how they affected me — because I was outside looking in. And I came to realize how I’d been conforming to others’ expectations of who they thought I was or the role they made for me. It was an unexpected discovery.”

“When it comes to achieving goals, one of the things I think messes a lot of people up is the fact that we live in an “instant gratification” society. Most people look for shortcuts — “take a pill, get this result”, rather than simply decide to put in the work and commit to seeing it through to the end. If they did, they’d eventually get to where they wanted to go — rather than attempt shortcuts that, in some cases, have really nasty side effects and, more often than not, don’t really work or lead to failure anyway.

I say forget the shortcuts — simply take them away as an option and forget looking for the “easy way”. And instead, simply do what needs to be done, which is usually quite obvious and relatively simple. Just DO the work and deal with the discomfort until it passes rather than look for ways to bypass the work and discomfort altogether — but that requires strength and self-discipline.”

“Here’s the thing — feeling bad. The feeling bad is just an echo from the past. If you’re working it through, then you’ve obviously acknowledged the problem and you’re focusing on doing what you can with what you’ve got — and that is nothing to feel bad about. You’re eventually going to feel better — might as well skip the time it takes to get there and just feel better now. It makes life much easier when you actively take out the crap parts.” 

“An adventurous mental attitude can change everything into an experience to be appreciated.” 

“I think everyone at one time in their lives has to deal with some kind of major issue (life crisis) that can lead to bitterness — it happens. But it’s also important to realize that bitterness is not a good thing to hang on to.

But contrary to what some may say, I think the feelings associated with bitterness may be “necessary” (or somewhat unavoidable) for a time in order to work out a new understanding or belief. Those unpleasant feelings provide motivation for change — but sometimes the change that needs to be made isn’t always immediately recognizable.

But as the quote goes, “We are not punished for our anger, we are punished by our anger.” Being unable to forgive people or come to terms with circumstances tends to do more harm to the person who holds onto those feelings than it ever does to the people or circumstances those feelings are directed towards.”

“Some people have never had better, so they don’t know what they’re missing. And some people just don’t know and will never fully appreciate what they have.” 

“Every obstacle overcome is a step forward. The number of crazy, unusual, and awesome things that can happen at any time on any day are astounding. If you believe in the world of positive possibilities, you’re much more likely to experience them.” 

“The more who do, the more who try. The best way to get others to try, is to do.” 

“Many people put all of their belief and energies into a future that is yet to be… they tell themselves, “I will be happy when…” and “If I could only get [this thing], then I would be happy”.

To me, waiting to live, waiting to be happy at some future date when everything is perfect is even more scary than anything I’ve done since I decided to face my fears. The sad fact is, that future date where people imagine they will be happy “if X happens” often never comes — or if it does, it isn’t as fulfilling as they imagined. They get X, but X isn’t the answer — now they want Y — and the cycle continues.

And for those people who spend their lives simply waiting for something good to happen to them — hoping to be rewarded — they fail to understand that the journey IS the reward. Life is NOW, not later, and the only thing we can really be sure of is this moment — and now this one.” 

“Despite the cynics, the world wants people to succeed, because those people act as a beacon to others — and light extinguishes darkness.” 

“I started this journey with the hope that I would ultimately end up in a place that was more “fulfilling” than the one I left. I hoped that I would make myself more visible to my “fashionably late mate” as well. But with either of those things, there was no guarantee — but I was willing to take that chance and take that leap in the dark from the life I had to the one I wanted. To let go of who I was to become who I wanted to be.

And it hasn’t been easy (understatement of the year) — but I can honestly say it has been the most fulfilling part of my life — all of it.

No, I’m not exactly where I want to be — with everything in order accompanied by all of the things I’d like to have in my life — but that’s life — you can’t have everything at once.

You can’t pick up a book and have the entire story in your head at once. And while you can choose to read the story in any order, it won’t make sense unless you read it in the order it was intended to be read. And sometimes you’re given information that doesn’t make sense until later.

I think life is like that, too — we are all living the stories of our lives. Everything that we experience leads to the next. Sometimes things make sense as they happen — other times they only make sense in context when the bigger picture becomes known.

I think those things I want in my life will come when the time is right — and as has been proven time and time again, I don’t always get what I think I want anyway, but I do get what I need. And for me, that’s enough.” 

“I mean, I have taken a leap of faith, but it’s really me relying on the belief that I have the talent, skills, and abilities to make what I want to happen, actually happen. It’s not about counting on any one person or entity to do anything for me. Of course people do help — and no one is an island — but nothing I’m doing involves relying on others to do “my work” for me.

And while I do believe that positive creates positive — and a person tends to attract what they send out…

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey

Part of my leap of faith is simply that I don’t _know_ exactly what I’m doing or how exactly to get there (there’s no map to follow), but that’s also what makes it exciting for me. I never really wanted to follow anyone else’s footsteps or live anyone else’s idea of a good life. And the more time I spend on this journey, the more comfortable I become with being out of step with the masses.

And I’ve come to terms with the fact that all I can do is make the most of the time I’m given and hope that’s enough to accomplish what I want.

But I believe I can and will succeed in my mission on one or more levels — and it’s that belief that is also the determining factor of whether I will succeed or not. :)

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It’s successful outcome.” – William James

“Today’s mantra: I live a life of health, happiness & prosperity.” 

“The trick is to learn to love who you are — flaws and all. That doesn’t mean you can’t want to be a better person, but that you should accept yourself and your imperfections — everyone has them — and mistakes are simply learning experiences (the most important kind since we learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes).

And the other thing to keep in mind is it’s _your_ life. Yours. You can do whatever you want with it — and it doesn’t have to be (nor will it ever be) perfect. Life is for living and to do with what you will — and it’s what you do with it that make it only about you, or about others, or about how many people you affect in some (hopefully positive) way in the course of your life.

I think usually just doing what you love and being enthusiastic about it (which comes naturally if you do what you love) is enough. Sadly, most people don’t do what they love — they do what they think they have to or what some other person led them to believe they should do. They live inside a box — and if they were just brave enough to poke some holes in it, they’d see there’s a lot more to life than just going through the motions.

We have the power to direct our lives in any direction we want.

Other people (and events) will always directly/indirectly exert influence over you and your life (family, profession, relationships) unless you actively exert influence over your own.

I look at it this way: We are all sailing our individual ships on the Ocean of Life — a sea of opportunities.

And we can sail our ships wherever we want so long as we steer the rudder. But if we let go of the wheel, we drift. Some people don’t even realize they can steer their vessel — and others would rather hand their wheel to others, let them decide — which seems like a terrible waste.

Occasionally there are stormy seas and our ship is swept up in the current — we don’t always end up exactly where we planned, but with persistence and course corrections, we can ultimately get to wherever it is we want to go.

Even if we are slow, over time we can get there — as long as we are consistent in our actions and steering our ships where we want them to go.

But I think that many people get caught up in the pursuit of perfection and avoiding mistakes or setbacks. When they struggle to reach a goal and fail, they quit. But I think if people gave up trying to be perfect or limit their mistakes to a specific number — and simply aimed to consistently head towards their goal(s), they’d be much more likely to reach them.” 

“No, I actually appreciate having my beliefs challenged. Beliefs, I feel, are something that need to stand up under scrutiny. They’re not really “true” beliefs if I refuse to let additional information challenge them. And I’m always open to changing my mind or beliefs if I do end up learning something that leads me to realize that maybe I was wrong.

As history so easily demonstrates, sometimes even the most popular beliefs need changing because they no longer stand up under scrutiny. As it turns out — after much resistance – the Earth is not flat and the Sun does not revolve around the Earth after all.

What happens when someone’s beliefs are tested is that the person who holds a belief gets a glimpse — real or imagined — of an alternate view of their world — a different perspective.  And depending on their existing beliefs, this budding change of perspective can be a painful or a wonderful process when one view of the world crumbles and another takes its place.” 

“We’re all in the same boat. It’s just a really big boat.” 

“I most certainly want to meet the woman of my dreams and have the family I’ve always wanted, but I cannot let the absence of something I don’t have any control over affect my own personal happiness today. The crazy thing is to try to have control over things I could not possibly have control over. All I can do is act now and hope that enough moments in the present lead me to a desirable future.

So this future I desire — with this woman I want — may come to be. Or it may not. And if not, so be it. How can that be a sad thing? I’m not losing something I never had. And all the things I have had in my life, I am grateful for.

So if I am enjoying my life in the process of living it — as I am now — then no regrets.

This is sometimes a hard thing for people to get their head wrapped around — but if I died tomorrow, I’d be fine with that. My life, although “incomplete” in my mind, is as it should be (based on my _own_ understanding). I’m not afraid to die. Now, it doesn’t mean I want to! — I don’t! And it doesn’t mean I want to put my life in jeopardy either or risk it unnecessarily! — I don’t!

It just means that if I die, I die. And I would know that I did what I could with the time I had. And if I had more time, I would’ve done more.

But since I am alive, I will continue to do more — as much as I can with the time I have. I mean, I want to make a difference! I want to have a family and raise happy little children and all that — and I value my life a lot! — but I have no illusion that I have to do any more than what I’ve done up to the point I take my last breath.

That could be tomorrow — or it might be 60 years in the future. I won’t know until it happens, but I continue to live my life in a way that I’ll be ok with whenever that is. It certainly doesn’t make me perfect in any sense and I certainly don’t have everything I want to accomplish done or wrapped up, but I’m doing what I can with what I have.” 

“Life is short. Be responsible and respectful of others and treat yourself and others well, but don’t let anyone discourage you from having fun and going after whatever it is that fills you with joy. It’s your life. Live it.” 

“Just know this: with regard to “disappointment” or “fulfillment” — whatever you focus on only grows stronger.

If you want stronger relationships, focus on your relationships. If you want to feel awful, focus on your “failures”. If you want to feel happy, focus on things that make you happy. If you want to feel frustrated, upset, discontent, focus on all those things that cause you to feel that way and I guarantee you will find what you seek (but don’t do that).

If you want to feel fulfilled, do and focus on things that fulfill you and don’t look for anyone else beyond yourself to make YOU feel fulfilled for you. That’s the part about being a complete person — the sense of fulfillment, like self-esteem, doesn’t come from the outside or external factors, it grows from the inside out.

So if you want a desired outcome in your life, then focus on it — and if there’s something you don’t want, then _don’t_ focus on it. I’m not saying pretend it doesn’t exist, only suggesting that there are effective ways to overcome it.

Nothing makes one feel so stressed or frustrated as thinking about all the things one feels stressed and frustrated about. Nothing makes something appear difficult as thinking about how difficult it is and all the ways it can go wrong.

Nothing scares people quite like worrying about all the horrible possible outcomes of a situation… “Worry is a misuse of imagination”.

So imagine the outcome you want and what you are going to do to achieve it.” 

“I see that not-so-good stuff in the world, too — greed, lies, selfishness, unfairness, cruelty… — and it affects me. I’m not immune to it. When I focus on it, it makes me feel pretty lousy about the world — and sometimes a bit angry. And then I realize the world doesn’t need any more angry, bitter, or cynical people upset with…well, the world…

So I try to turn my thoughts around and be exactly the type of person I would like to see more of in the world — generous, forgiving, kind, smiling, helpful — the type of person I respect when I see them in action.

I’m sure you have probably been affected by those types of people in your own life. If you’ve ever seen a person do something kind or generous or giving and thought, “Wow, that was so ‘good’” and they earned your respect through their actions.

I think Ghandi had it right when he said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I think that the more we can fight the urge to turn into exactly the type of people we don’t care for, the better.” 

“Belief and hope — I get it. I get why they are important. I get why people cling to them — the power of potential — of some desired change happening because you believe it is possible — even against the odds. I get it.

And I especially believe that it is when things look their worst that this kind of belief is most important. You cannot just give up and say, “it won’t happen”. To give up — even when it is the easiest thing to do — is to let a piece of you die — a piece of you that you won’t get back.” 

“Here is your special Zero Dean horoscope for today:

For for anyone born Jan 1 – Dec 31: The Universe will be doing everything in its power to assist you in having an awesome day today. You simply have to look for the signs & opportunities and take advantage of them as they happen. PS. Smiling a lot & being kind to others will accentuate your experience.” 

“I am really inspired by your story in Spirituality & Health. I would have to admit I feel the same way you did before you started your journey. However, I have a husband, kids and 2 wild dogs and feel “confined” by the responsibility to them to keep things “safe”. Any advice? Thanks for your time.”

Thank you so much! I didn’t realize the issue came out ’til you just wrote. Thank you for the heads up.

To answer your question — it’s really hard to say, because each of us are on such a personal journey. What works for me may not work for you — in fact, I’m pretty sure it won’t, for exactly the reasons you mention.

But — there are things you can do to “free” yourself up a bit. I’ve been meaning to write about these things for a while on my blog. Off the top of my head…

• Try getting up an hour earlier than you usually do and use that time as your own private time — but make it productive. It’s *tough* — I know — but everything gets easier with repetition. Learn something, read something, write something — sort, organize, plot out, project your life — you don’t have to take huge bold steps — little tiny steps one at a time is enough. Over time they make a huge difference — like water that drips on rocks enough to change their shape.
• Create a bucket list. Doesn’t have to be big extreme things — little ones will do. Start making the time to knock things off your list, with whatever time/resources you have available.
• Focus on what you want. Forget the negative stuff you don’t like about your life. Just focus on the good and what you want — thinking about that other stuff never helps unless you’re working out a solution to it. But if you’re not, then just forget it. Put your mind and energy on what/where you’d like to be.

Again, little things — but they can make a big difference over time.

And as always — do what works best for YOU. Don’t try to fit within the confines/constraints of what other people think you should be/do. But obviously, work with the relationships you have to keep them strong.

If you do go making extreme changes (like I did), people will wonder what you’re doing. Some may support you and others may not — and that can create friction — one of the more difficult aspects of what I’m doing…”

Follow-up from original letter writer [personal details removed]:

“I’m hoping you remember our conversations from almost a year ago. Your article in Spirituality and Health really inspired me, you gave me great advise! I just wanted to update you that I…am embarking on my own journey. .

People often say things like, “Things are not as good as they used to be.”, “Chivalry is dead.”, “Everyone is just looking out for themselves now.” and so on — but even if that were true, simply talking about and sharing “bad news” and “bad views” only perpetuates the problem. Because as I’ve often said, people find what they seek — and whatever you focus on only grows stronger. If you go looking for negativity, not only will you find it, you’ll cause it to expand into your world.

While it is important to acknowledge issues and bring attention to important causes to people who may be in the position to make a difference, the best way to create change in the world is to be the change you wish to seek by putting a consistent effort into doing the things you’d like to see more of.

Personally, I’ve found quite a bit of joy in surprising people by reacting to situations in a way they don’t expect — when they expect rudeness, I show them kindness. When they expect impatience, I tell them to slow down and take their time.

Whenever I am in a situation where I feel I can make someone simply laugh, smile, or feel better about a situation, I always make the effort to do so. Sometimes I do this by imagining what it must be like to do their jobs and dealing with the “average” customer and then asking myself, “If I were in their shoes, what is something I would think funny, positive, or entertaining?”

It is amazing what small simple gestures can do.

When you stop focusing on the things you don’t wish to see in the world and start focusing on consistently doing more of the things you wish there was more of (without expectation of reward) — your whole world changes.